I know I'm in trouble because I haven't even been weighing in at home, and that's always a sign that something is wrong. Like, I've been eating too much. And the wrong things.
In the past when I got to this point in a dieting attempt, I would say to myself, "Well, you obviously can't do this, so why even try?" This time, I'm trying to tell myself, "Everybody goes through this. You just need to find your way back from the dark side."
The deeper issue here is realizing how I demand perfection from myself, in almost everything. Then when my obvious imperfections flare up I get mad at myself and go to the other extreme, being as imperfect as I possibly can. (Hmmm...can a person perfect imperfection?)
We always have choices. Every day is a new chance for a fresh beginning. But I have to ask myself this question: Is it a new chance to try to be perfect, or is it a new chance to learn to accept the fact that I am not perfect? And if I accept that I am not perfect, can I still find a way to live that is healthy and that results in my continuing to lose weight? Can I allow myself, in front of you and God and everybody else, to mess up and then keep going? Or will I throw in the towel because I'm ashamed of admitting that this is hard and I'm not doing so great right now?
I mentioned to a friend yesterday that I was trying to gain control over certain areas of my life, and her response surprised me. "You don't need to gain control," she said, "you need to let go of control. That's the goal." So, I'm letting go. I'm going to WW and weighing in, knowing that my weight is probably up. I'm accepting that I am not perfect and that does not mean I am a failure. I am just a person on a rough road, and what I need to do is face reality and keep walking, both figuratively and literally. Sure, sometimes reality sucks. But we still have each other.
Hugs.
Hi Cindy,
ReplyDeleteYour last comment is my thought exactly. "We still have each other.". I picture "us" (those who are reading your blog) cheering you on, giving thanks for your successes and well...for including us in your journey, bumpy roads and all. You share such amazing thoughts, such as, "Can a person perfect imperfection?". Ha! I love that idea and can really relate to it.
I was reading this morning about Nehemiah, a great leader in the Bible who rebuilt the wall of Jerusalem and restored the people to worship. He is described as a pastoral leader par excellence--devoted and dynamic, humble, zealous, wise and patient.
And yet at the end of the book of Nehemiah, we read that he has returned to Jerusalem to see how things are going and finds everything in ruin again! He is so frustrated with some of the men that he pulls out their hair! (Neh 13:25) This just tells me that NO ONE is perfect! ...except Jesus Christ who was without sin. Every other person in the world is not perfect!
So I think we all have Permission to not be Perfect!
Jesus said, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in your weakness." So not only is our weakness ok, it's a good thing!
I love you and thank you for the blessing of your blog.
Love
Your sister