Thursday, September 20, 2012
I've overcome a lot of challenges since starting this journey, but this is the toughest yet. Start with a two-month plateau, and add to that a trip to the ER and life-threatening blood clots lurking somewhere in my body...it's hard to concentrate on my diet right now.
The hardest part is feeling helpless and at the mercy of doctor's schedules and insurance approvals. Then there is being hypersensitive to every little ache and pain I feel in my leg, my arm, my chest, my neck. Waiting. For the piercing pain I felt Saturday, the shortness of breath, the fear. Okay, I don't have to wait for the fear. It's nuzzling right up next to me.
Anyway, the diet doesn't seem like such a big deal right now. I can't exercise (don't want to increase blood flow and move the clot from its present location) but I have to move so as not to form more clots. How much do I move? How much do I rest? I'm running out of diet-friendly groceries and my husband is busy catching up at work after taking off to be with me during the crisis. Is it safe to drive? When I'm alone, I'm making sure the front door is unlocked and the phone is at my side, in case I have to call 911 again.
So it's hard to concentrate on my diet right now.
These are the moments in life when everyone wants to help but nobody knows what to do...including me. I wrote a song recently about trusting God, and one line is, "I will trust You through the stormy seas." I know He loves me. And even if the worst does happen, I'll be good because I'll be with Him. But in the meantime...it's still scary.
Here's the whole lyric of my song, I Will Trust:
I will trust in You when skies are grey,
I will trust You hear me when I pray.
I will trust You'll be with me through my darkest night,
I will trust in You because You are the Light.
I will trust You when I feel the rain,
I will trust You when I am in pain,
I will trust You when sunset ends the perfect day,
I will trust in You because You are the Way.
And I'm trusting that Your promises are true,
There's a place for me in Heaven, made by you.
And one day I'll stand before You in Your glory and Your grace,
And I'll finally see you face to face!
I will trust You through the stormy seas.
I will trust You in the gentle breeze.
I will trust that I'm part of Your eternal plan.
I will trust in You because You are the Lamb.
I will trust because You are the great I Am.