Sunday, September 23, 2012
Did I Do That?
Other realizations have been slower to emerge. They begin as nagging suspicions, which often I turn away from and choose to ignore. But then, something happens that brings something to the surface.
Something like, for example, thinking you are having a heart attack and ending up having gallbladder surgery.
As I recover from the surgery two days ago, I'm realizing that being able to overcome my eating issues means coming face to face with who I am...really. It means accepting my faults, and becoming willing to make improvements where I can. It also means, somehow, learning to love myself in spite of those obvious or not-so-obvious shortcomings I find in my own nature.
The thing that has been bubbling to the surface in these recent days is how impatient I am...have always been. Impatient with myself. Impatient with others. With the world. I am always looking for the "quick fix". The get-it-over-with thing to do. I'm the person who prays for patience and follows up with, "..and I want it right now!"
I'm feeling impatient right now because, even though I have been faithfully counting my points and eating correctly, my weight has gone up a couple of pounds. I'm not thinking about all that my body has been through in the past week, and frankly, I am way out of line. Instead of being grateful that my problem was diagnosed and dealt with, I'm stomping my foot and pouting about a couple of temporary pounds.
So, this is a picture of me telling myself to take it easy. Be patient. Take responsibility and move on. I know in the past I have given up on healthy eating because I didn't see the results when I wanted to see them. I need to learn that healthy eating is a worthy goal all by itself, with or without accompanying weight loss.