Wednesday, November 23, 2011
At our WW meeting yesterday, our leader said it was okay to say to yourself, "I'll maintain," or "I'll gain a pound this week."
Maybe I'll get there someday. But I'm not there now. I still want to lose! What I want is to keep eating healthy, stay on plan, and lose this week! I don't even want tomorrow to be a blip on the radar screen.
Call me crazy. I'm just not sure that a whole nation PLANNING a whole day (extended to several days because of leftovers) to throw caution to the wind and EAT with abandon...I'm just not sure that's a healthy thing for anybody. I have spent my life making excuses for reasons to eat. I'm hot. I'm cold. I'm happy. I'm sad. It's cold outside. It's hot outside. It's my birthday. It's Christmas. It's Thanksgiving. It's Tuesday. I'm alone. I'm at a party. I woke up today. For me, in the past, these have all been valid reasons to eat with abandon.
And to paraphrase Dr. Phil, "How's that been workin' for me?"
Many of my friends have advised me to just enjoy the day---meaning, eat anything I want. That thought terrifies me, because eating anything I want is what got me over a hundred pounds overweight! This is something I KNOW HOW TO DO. And that's what scares me. I'm way too good at eating anything I want. Show me delicious food, and I guarantee I will want to eat it. I have learned that wanting it is not a valid reason for eating it. But how will I react on National Eat Anything You Want Day, when everyone around me is eating anything they want, and encouraging me to do the same?
What I really want is to lose forever the desire to eat with abandon. I want to look at foods that are not good for me and have my first reaction be, "Why on earth would I put THAT into my body?" I want to be able to join friends and family around a festive table and be more focused on the fellowship than the food. I want to be victorious tomorrow in enjoying the day without overeating so I won't spend weeks dreading the next Food Fest Event in my life. I want to be in control of what I eat. I want to be freed from food controlling me.
I want to turn Impending Doom into Impending Opportunity for a New Life.
I want tomorrow to be over.