65!

Today is a banner day! 

I finally reached a goal I had set for myself before we went on our Texas vacation this summer.  The objective was to lose three pounds while I was gone.  Let's see...that was July 21st.

And now, on October 8th, I'm there!  Three pounds in two and a half months.  I'm not going to win any speed records here.

Lucky for me, speed isn't the goal.  Healthy living is the goal, with the blessed side effect of losing weight as my body normalizes and reflects my new lifestyle.   I am now 59 pounds away from the upper limit that Weight Watchers sets for my healthy weight range.  Personally, I'd like to lose a few more than that, say, 65 more.  Which means I'm half way there!

The other good news is that I woke up feeling good today...finally.  So my biggest challenge for the day will be to keep resting and not overdo it.  Patience.  Perseverance.  Peace.

Hugs.

Healing

People told me the type of surgery I had was a piece of cake.

I guess that's because instead of doing a big slice across the abdomen, they do four small holes.  Pretty amazing, really, what they can do with four small holes, a camera and I guess some very tiny surgical tools.

But I'm here to tell you that it still hurts.  There are going to be scars.

I'm feeling a bit frustrated today because I am not bouncing back the way I had hoped.  Every little thing seems to tire me out.  Then my side aches.  So I sit.  Concentrate on resting.  On healing, so I can get back to swimming and walking and shopping and cooking healthy meals.  I really want to wake up tomorrow and feel normal.

Then I realize, it's kind of like the weight loss.  I still have in me the old dream of "when I wake up tomorrow I want to be thin."  But this waiting period reminds me that healing of wounds takes time.  My body can't change overnight, as much as I wish it could.  But when it comes to the weight loss, it's not so much my body that needs to heal as it is my spirit.

The healing process can, frankly, be inconvenient.  But there is no speeding it up.  These things possess their own time tables.  So, as I sit and rest and await my physical healing, I also will try to understand that my spirit needs time to sit and rest too.  I need to understand that there will be scars that may always inhibit my ability to stay on top of my goal and living a healthy lifestyle.  I need to remember that although I feel down today, tomorrow can and probably will seem brighter.

Hugs.

Unencumbered

I crossed my legs yesterday.

This may not sound like such a big deal, but it is.  I haven't been able to cross my legs for years.  I did it without thinking...just crossed them!  It was comfortable.

All those years I couldn't cross my legs because my legs were just too big to cross.  There was too much fat in the way.

It made me think about other stuff that gets in the way of being who God means me to be.  Like when I insist on people doing things MY WAY.  Or my tendency to procrastinate.  And then there's how much I am able to enjoy grumbling about something.

This little taste of freedom in being able to cross my legs makes me wonder...what else have I been missing out on?   It's a big question, one which I don't expect to answer quickly.  But I want to open my eyes and start being aware of those self-imposed encumbrances in my life that are keeping me from being the person I am supposed to be.  I guess I want to exercise my character and get rid of the "fat" that represents my unwillingness to change.

Just thinking about this makes me want to take a nap!  At least I don't want to eat a donut.  That's a positive start.

Hugs.

Moving Right Along....

I love this graphic.  Especially the "moving beyond your past" part!

This whole gallbladder thing is turning out to be a watershed event in my life.  For one thing, it stopped me dead in my tracks and forced me to evaluate what was going on in my life.  And for another, getting rid of the pesky thing seems to have unlocked the gate to more weight loss!  Since coming home from the hospital last week, my weight has gone down almost five pounds.  I'm finally in some new territory and feel like I'm back on track with the overall health program.

My past was resigned to hopelessly being fat and miserable for the rest of my life.  But now...hope!  I truly do not feel weighed down by that old me.  This makes me think of a favorite Bible verse:

• "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will."  Romans 12:2 NIV

I feel like I am being transformed.  I pray that I am being transformed into someone who will not want to go back to those old ways which were so oppressive and miserable.  Every person who loses weight worries about that going back part.  Can we truly move beyond our old selves?  With God's help, I believe we can.

Hugs.

Challenges ... and Opportunities

Correct me if I'm wrong here, but I'm pretty sure nobody every said life was supposed to be easy.

So, now, just because I've decided my life is about health and not about weight loss, I shouldn't expect everything to be...well...a piece of cake from here on out!

And let's be very clear, here.  I'm still interested in weight loss.  My hope is that by focusing on health, my weight will eventually normalize to a level that is healthy for me.  I don't know if that will be a level congruent with Weight Watcher's goal charts or not.  We'll just have to wait and see.

In the meantime, I still expect to face many challenges.  Church potlucks are not going away.  Well-meaning friends and relatives with mayo-loaded vegetable dishes are still in my future.  But a little thought entered my feeble brain this morning.  What if...WHAT IF?...I could somehow turn these upcoming challenges into opportunities?  Hey...what if every challenge I face is an opportunity to do something extraordinary, special, and positive?

It's an interesting thought.  If I'm invited to someone's home for dinner, do I have an opportunity to offer to bring something I know I can eat?  If I have a really frustrating day, do I have an opportunity to enjoy a healthy dinner instead of trying to eat my frustrations away?  If I'm around someone who I find particularly annoying, is that an opportunity to show kindness?

I think the key to finding the opportunities in life's challenges lies in looking beyond the moment.  Usually, when I'm facing challenges, all I can see is how I feel right that very second.  That's when I am most vulnerable to do something I will later regret.  I'm intrigued by the idea of learning to do something other than my normal knee-jerk reaction to a challenge.  I'm intrigued that learning to see these moments as opportunities might also bring unexpected rewards along the way.

BTW, thank you, Vicki, for getting me started in this line of thinking!

Hugs.

Redefining Success

I was watching re-runs of "Extreme Makeover-Weight Loss Edition" the other day.  In this program they work with an overweight person for a year, awarding prizes along the way for meeting weight loss goals.

A woman was given a 90 day goal of losing 85 pounds.  85 pounds in 90 days, my friends!  She didn't make it.  She "only" lost 77 pounds in 90 days.  And she was depressed about that.

Cow-wa-BUNKa!

But this is what happens when weight loss is the goal.  You define your worth based on "that number."  If you happen to reach "that number", you are done. But we all know that you are never done.  It's never over.  Even if you reach "that number" it's just the beginning of a new battle to stay there.  And who wants to live their life always battling the desire to eat unhealthy foods?  So many of us ultimately decide that the struggle just isn't worth it, because we are miserable and can't maintain "that number"  anyway.

I look at it this way.  I can either make weight loss my goal, and be forever frustrated when the numbers don't go the way I want, OR I can change my perspective.  What if, instead, I make a HEALTHY LIFESTYLE my goal?  Then, my diet, instead of being a burden that limits the enjoyment I have in life, becomes a tool that supports what I'm going for!  My weight, instead of being the focus of all my attention, becomes merely a by-product of the life choices I make.

Maybe this way of thinking seems obvious to you.  But to me, this is HUGE.  It is a complete paradigm shift.  Suddenly, instead of looking at what I'm going to eat in terms of "what I can get away with and still lose weight", I see my food choices as building blocks for a healthy future.  Is that too corny? I don't think so.  I think...maybe...this may be the secret to real success.

Hugs.

Did I Do That?

Along this journey, I have experienced a few "aha" moments.

Other realizations have been slower to emerge.  They begin as nagging suspicions, which often I turn away from and choose to ignore.  But then, something happens that brings something to the surface.

Something like, for example, thinking you are having a heart attack and ending up having gallbladder surgery.

As I recover from the surgery two days ago, I'm realizing that being able to overcome my eating issues means coming face to face with who I am...really.  It means accepting my faults, and becoming willing to make improvements where I can.  It also means, somehow, learning to love myself in spite of those obvious or not-so-obvious shortcomings I find in my own nature.

The thing that has been bubbling to the surface in these recent days is how impatient I am...have always been.  Impatient with myself.  Impatient with others.  With the world.  I am always looking for the "quick fix".  The get-it-over-with thing to do.  I'm the person who prays for patience and follows up with, "..and I want it right now!"

I'm feeling impatient right now because, even though I have been faithfully counting my points and eating correctly, my weight has gone up a couple of pounds.  I'm not thinking about all that my body has been through in the past week, and frankly, I am way out of line.  Instead of being grateful that my problem was diagnosed and dealt with, I'm stomping my foot and pouting about a couple of temporary pounds.

So, this is a picture of me telling myself to take it easy.  Be patient.  Take responsibility and move on. I know in the past I have given up on healthy eating because I didn't see the results when I wanted to see them.  I need to learn that healthy eating is a worthy goal all by itself, with or without accompanying weight loss.

Hugs.