Monday, October 22, 2012
We're coming into the biggest eating season of the year, and I am already floundering. My weight is up, then down, then up again. I'm eating right and keeping track of my points. Because of the gallbladder thing I haven't been able to exercise for the past month, and it shows!
This time last year, I was determined. Steely. Uncompromising! Getting through the holidays was tough, but I did it, and lost seven pounds to boot. But now...I don't know if I can make it. I feel like I'm starting out in a much weaker position. My weight loss has not only slowed down, it has come to a grinding halt. In fact, the last several days, it has been going up! I don't know what I am doing wrong, or if my body is just rebelling and saying it's done.
I'm scared. In previous weight-loss attempts, I've gotten to points like this. I typically "pretended" for a few weeks that I was still making progress, and then would realize that I wasn't...and quit trying. When I look back at my weight loss chart that is what I see...that I have basically made zero progress since the end of July. That's three whole months! Have I been pretending?
I wish I could skip the holidays this year. I wish every social occasion didn't revolve around food. I wish food that is bad for you didn't taste so good. I wish I wasn't overweight in the first place. I wish being slim wasn't so darned important in our society. I wish I could exercise! I wish I didn't feel so ugly and unacceptable. I wish I could really change.
Sorry to be so down, but this is where I am today.
I could use a hug.