A question of Time

I may have mentioned one or two hundred times that losing weight is a slow process.

It's the kind of slow like...going to school.  You think you're never going to graduate and then you do.  Or raising kids.  It seems to take forever, but before you know it you're missing those days when they were still your little under-foot munchkins.

When I started this process I tried to predict how long it was going to take to reach my goal.  Forget the small detail that I wasn't sure what that final goal will be.  Nevertheless, I still wanted to KNOW.  I wanted to know when I was going to feel normal again.  I wanted to know when the pain of being overweight would be over.  I made charts:  It will take this long if I lose a pound a week, and this long if I lose a pound and a half a week, etc.  Suffice to say that every scenario was a Long Time.

And yet, the time will pass whether I'm losing or not losing.  Last July I had no idea what I would look like or feel like in January of 2012, and here I am over 40 pounds lighter.  I'm changing, and yes--it is a slow process.  But I'm starting to think that slow is good.  I'm starting to entertain the idea that it doesn't matter how long it takes to "get there", because what is really important is the journey and what I'm learning along the way. 

At some point I'll come to Graduation Day.  I will reach that illusive goal.  But for now, I think I'll just enjoy today.

Hugs.

Cruising

For the past six months (almost), losing weight has been my number one activity, priority and mindset.  I have been obsessed with the numbers...weighing every day, calculating my average weight loss per week, estimating the number of ounces of chicken in Patsy's Famous Oriental Chicken Salad at the church potluck. 

In the meantime and along the way, I've managed to accomplish a few other things.  I finished moving into our new home, made some purses, rang handbells and sang in the choir at church.  I spent hours at the pool with my friends and enjoyed numerous social gatherings.  I worked on organizing my sewing studio and taught two teenagers how to make purses.  I went on a couple of short trips, spent three weeks doing absolutely nothing because I was sick, hosted a Christmas/Epiphany party.  I made several new friends in our new neighborhood, refurbished our previous home and became a landlord.  I wrote 110 blog posts. 

And today it hit me:  Losing weight is not what I'm doing.  It's what happening while I live my life.  The life that I am living happens to support losing weight.  I didn't have to change my everything about my life to lose weight...just parts of it.  It took a lot of mental energy to make those changes, especially in the beginning.  But now the new eating habits I'm learning are becoming a part of the fabric of my life, just as the old overeating habits were a part of my life before.

I once read that an airplane uses most of its fuel just getting off the ground.  The rest is just cruising.

I think I might finally be off the ground.

Weigh Day - 43.4 and counting,

Happily, Im losing! Sadly, I can't seem to upload a picture using my iPad. Probably operator error. But good news is good news, whether or not illustrated. Hugs.

Crunch Attack!

So I'm sitting here, minding my own business, a tummy full of warm oatmeal, when all of the sudden:  CRUNCH ATTACK!  I want something CRUNCHY in my mouth! 

In a flash, the possibilities race through my mind.  Popcorn.  Potato chips.  Peanuts.  I feel an almost overwhelming urge to open the pantry door and stand there with eyes glazed over until I find the Perfect Crunch.

Almost overwhelming.

I stop. I ask myself the only reasonable question I can ask myself at such a moment.

HUH?

My stomach is not growling.  I need no sustenance to get me through the next few hours of my day.  I'm a little bored.  I'm putting off getting started on my chores...

It starts to make some sense.  I realize that in the past, I would have immediately obeyed the cruch urge and grazed through the kitchen until it was way more than satisfied.  I realize that I have a long history of using the activity of eating for purposes other than nourishment.  Avoidance, for example.  Boredome.  Something To Do.  Sometimes, I find I want to eat simply because I feel a little uneasy or uncomfortable.

Like right now.  The mere fact that I'm finding myself wanting to eat when I'm not hungry is making me uncomfortable.  Which makes me want to eat. 

Thankfully, I know I don't have to obey that urge any more.  I am learning that eating for reasons other than nourishment will not make me feel better about anything.  In fact, I realize that when I have fallen before the crunch attack in the past, I always felt terrible after the crunching was over. 

Disaster averted.  This time.  Praise be to God!  Must stay alert... 

Greetings from Whats-her-name

Still no great insights on the name-change idea.  So, while I do feel like a new and different person, I still haven't quite figured out who that person is!

Perhaps, for now, it's best to focus on the basics.  Write down what I eat.  Count those points.  Try to throw in some exercise now and then.  Step Away From The Haagen Dazs. 

I think the hardest part of this losing weight journey is that it is IMPOSSIBLE to do it overnight.  Every morning I wake up and I have to decide again to follow the program.  Now, I do understand that the whole overnight idea is unrealistic.  But I am not by nature a patient person.  Fortunately, I'm not relying on my nature to get me through this process!  If I were, I would have given up long ago.

Come to think of it, I have given up multiple times over the years.

This time, however, I'm relying on God to get me through.  All I have to do is cooperate with Him, which is both a relief and a struggle.  The Good News is that even when I mess up one day I get to start fresh the next!  And so do you.

Hugs.

What's in a Name?

My best friend from highschool was Sue.  When she got married, she switched to Kathryn, her middle name.  So I call her Jack.

I need a new name.

In the Bible, people were always getting their names changed.  Abram became Abraham.  Simon became Peter.  Saul became Paul.  In each case, their names were changed for a reason, because God had intervened in their lives in a significant way.  They were, essentially, new people. 

I did some name research.  Abram means "high father", but Abraham means "father of the multitudes." He went from being a respected elder to the father of many nations.  Simon means "he has heard", but Peter means "rock".  Jesus said that He would build His church on that "rock".  Saul means "prayed for", but Paul means "humble."  Saul went from being a high-powered Pharisee to a humble servant of Christ. 

So it occured to me, I need a new name.  God has worked so powerfully in my life and I feel like I am a different person than I was before.  I checked it out.  Cynthia comes from Greek mythology, and was the name of some mythical mountain where a couple of Greek gods were born. 

I don't want to be a mountain any more.

...To be continued...

Weigh Day - Minus 41.8 pounds and Happy New Year!

It's official!  Between Turkey Day and New Years, the season where everyone expects to gain 10 pounds, I lost 7.2.  Does that put me 17 pounds ahead?

I've been doing this for 5-1/2 months now.  I got started by eating frozen diet meals and now I'm cooking!  I'm enjoying exercising, and miss it when I can't do something physically active.  Almost everything in my closet is too big, including shoes. My rings are falling off my fingers.  I put some tape on my wedding ring, but it's still flopping around.

And now it's a new year with new goals!  For the first time in my life I made it through the holidays without derailing my diet!  I think I can reasonably expect to lose between 50 and 75 pounds this year, getting me that much closer to my goal!  

But first, I have to take care of today, and then tomorrow, and then the day after that.  His mercies are new each morning!

Happy New Year!