I am writing to you at 2:00 on a Monday morning because I can't sleep. I can't sleep because we had dinner at a friend's house last night and I ate too much. I feel absolutely MISERABLE!
Yesterday was a hungry day. I knew we were going to this dinner, though, and I appeased my hunger with low fat pita chips and fruit. When we got to our friend's house, there were appetizers: mini quiches, boiled shrimp and smoked almonds. I ate some of all of them. Along with a glass of white wine. By the time the appetizers were gone, I was already feeling a little dizzy.
Then the pork tenderloin arrived on the table from the back yard barbeque. The scalloped potatoes came out of the oven. Hot rolls with butter. Caesar salad. Steamed green beans. Applesauce (no sugar added). It was all delicious.
The dizziness didn't abate after eating All of The Above. If anything, it got worse. Then a slab of three-layer chocolate cake appeared in front of me. I didn't say, "No, thank you." I ate some of it. I don't even like chocolate!
Now, my body is rejecting this over-the-top eating experience in every way you can possibly imagine and I'll leave it to your imagination. Why did I eat that cake? Drink that wine? Nobody made me take a hot roll and slather butter on top of it! But I ate. Drank. Slathered. It was almost like the old days.
Notice, I didn't say the good old days.
I cringe when I think how a meal like that would not have phased me eight months ago. It would have just been another day at the trough. But now --- my system simply can't handle this kind of abuse. So why did I do this to myself? I don't have an answer. But I am determined never to do this to myself again. Whatever it takes, I will never do this again! I know now that food can be delightful and healthy and life-giving. What I did last night was something else altogether!
Lord, help me remember that some momentary pleasures have devastating consequences later. Help me use the memory of this night to say, "No, thank you" when I need to.