My sweet sister cautioned me against this approach. "It's a red flag," she said. "It's my life," I thought.
But last night, something changed. I went to a couples baby shower (at my church, or course) that involved barbeque, cole slaw, beans, bratwurst, cake, M&M's, animal crackers and poor-boy rolls...not necessarily in that order. I sampled everything but the bread and bratwurst. And I had a good time! I enjoyed the pulled pork -- not once, but twice. I dished my cole slaw off the top of the bowl, as most of the dressing was at the bottom. I ate 5 (count 'em) M&M's. And a whole piece of cake slathered with buttercream frosting. I have absolutely NO idea how many points all that was.
I did all this with the full knowlege the today, and in the days following, I would have to make up for it in some way. A little extra exercise here, a few less extra points there. And I thought, "This is okay. This is the way normal weight people do it." It's impossible to avoid dangerous eating situations if I still want to have people in my life and celebrate their happy moments with them. And, I think (I hope) that it is possible to enjoy those moments and still move forward in my own journey by thoughtfully taking responsibility for the eating choices I make during those times.
So today I'm on the straight and narrow with my eating. No guilt about last night. I feel ... healthy. In control. Cautious. I do, after all, live here--not in some fantasy world where only points-friendly food exists. Part of my journey is to learn to negotiate real-world eating situations without using them as an excuse to go back to my old ways of eating without limits.
It feels good to throw in the towel on feeling guilty. Now I can shift all the energy I would have spent on beating myself up (or being mad about the menu) into enjoying an active, healthy and happy day!