Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Doing My Own Thing
This is one of her beautiful watercolors. If you've ever tried to paint with watercolors, you can really appreciate how amazing it is that she could create such a beautiful piece!
This is something I could not do. Painting is not my thing. Some days (most days, really) I'm not sure what my "thing" is! I just seem to fumble along, trying to get from this day to the next.
I have been noticing, however, that through this journey I've been on I've been learning to be more...focused. I'm feeling less anxious about my place in the world, and whether or not I fit in.
A big part of this metamorphosis has to do with my friends. God has gifted me with a wonderful sister who is my friend, delightful friends at church, and my fantastic Weight Watchers buddies! There is so much power in feeling accepted! What a great gift I have received from all these loving people! A lot of my life, as you know, I have felt unaccepted and unacceptable. That is definitely changing.
The real gift is in realizing that I was not put on this earth to do anyone else's "thing". God created me (and you!) to do something special, and those special things are different for each of us. I can appreciate Deb's gift of artistry without being jealous of her, because I know that if I do my own "thing" I can bring similar joy to the lives of other people. And that's a good thing!
This has nothing to do with losing weight directly, but everything to do with losing the weight of long held fears and expectations I put on myself in the past. I felt frustrated and alone because I didn't fit in, and my excess body weight only emphasized those feelings of isolation. This journey is not just about getting rid of that excess body weight. It is also about learning to embrace the gifts God has given to me, and then opening my arms to share His gifts with the world.