She wanted to know (after reading my last few blog posts) why I care so much about what other people think of me and my weight.
It’s true. I care. I care what everyone thinks. I care what you think.
As a matter of fact, I got my first negative comment a couple of days ago on this blog. Someone, anonymously, called me a Loser, and not in the positive sense of being a weight loser. I deleted the comment, but it hurt. It was probably from some random person reading my blog who I don’t even know. But it still hurt.
Then I realized, this kind of negative reaction to me, my ideas and my physical appearance, is what I expect from people. It goes back to that “not being good enough” thing. Vicki’s question floated over me like superimposed words hanging in the air: Why do I care?
Today I’m contemplating the possibility of living a life that is unencumbered by caring what other people think. I need to care what I think. And I need to care about whether the life I’m living is one that is pleasing to God.
I need to realize that I can care about you, and not let myself be limited by whether or not you approve of me. I still care what you think of me. I want you to like me and what I write. But if you don’t, I need to be able to let that go and keep being the person I am supposed to be.
The hardest thing about putting my true feelings and insecurities “out there”is knowing that someone can take that offering and call me a Loser. So be it. It’s worth the risk.