Baggy Pants and Other Signs of Hope

I did something fun the other day.  I went to my favorite store to buy pants and bought a size smaller than I have been wearing.  Also got a dress that is TOO small, but it's a style I already own and I know when the weight comes off it will fit.  In fact, I might take a picture in it now and post that for future reference.

Yeah, I know.  I need to post some more fat pictures.  Even though that's important to have around to show where I started....YUCK!  It is way more fun to do that AFTER you've lost weight!  Then you can say, "Look what I accomplished!"  Now all I can say is "Look where I am," while I'm thinking "Don't look at me at all!"

We all suffer from that problem.  Yesterday I went swimming and a very trim, normal-weight friend came along.  But she wouldn't put on a bathing suit.  She was simply not comfortable enough about her body to wear a bathing suit in public.  Boy, do I know how she feels.  I have gone years and years without swimming for the same reason.  This summer, though, I decided to just do it anyway...and it has been a blast.  If anyone else is bothered by my unshapely shape they haven't said anything.  And anyway, my only really anxious moments are the few steps I have to take from the table (where I take off my cover-up) to the pool (where I feel relatively invisible in the water.)

I pray that we can all give ourselves permission to simply live our lives and do the things we enjoy, without worrying about what other people think.  The ironic truth is, most other people aren't thinking about us at all...because they're worried about what we are thinking about them!  In other words, we are most of us focused on ourselves.  It's time to quit living my life subject to the Mental Mirror of Judgment that I carry around with me all the time, and start looking, with compassion, at someone else for a change.  I guess a little compassion for myself is not a bad idea either.