Fear . . . and Hope

This morning I woke up thinking about all the times I've failed at trying to lose weight in the past.  They say that yo-yo dieting makes it harder for your body to lose weight.  I think it also makes it harder for your mind and your spirit to be willing to even try again.  I can remember so many times I felt a small stirring of wanting to try again, but the fear of yet another failure was enough to keep me from trying too hard.

It was only seeing the pictures of myself from this summer's Vacation Bible School that gave me the resolve to DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS WEIGHT PROBLEM.  Because I've failed so many times in the past, for so many years, I knew that this time had to be different.  I knew that this time I had to resolve myself to a real lifestyle change, and not just another diet that I would go off of someday.  My history with diets is that I can usually, through sheer power of the will, stay on one for about three months.  I went six months with one program, but for one reason or another (tragedy, stress, holidays, hot weather, cold weather, waking up in the morning, breathing) I have always fallen off the wagon and returned to my well established habit patterns of eating.

I've been doing so great this time.  Then I woke up this morning thinking, "Well, sure.  I haven't hit the three month mark yet!"  And the fear rises within me.  Another failure skulking behind the bushes, just waiting for me to hit That One Thing that will throw me off track.

This time HAS TO BE DIFFERENT!  So far, it has felt different to me and I have felt real hope that I can make this lifestyle change and lose this extra weight.  But I can't do it on my own.  I need help.  I need help from the people in my life, which thankfully, I have.  I need help from my Lord and Savior, who promises to walk with me through all the trials of my life.  And this is where I place my hope---in Him.  Because on my own power, I can't do it.  I've proven that time and again.  I can only get myself so far, but His resolve never waivers.

So, Lord, here is my fear.  I give it to You with open hands.  I trust You to keep it from devouring me.  Thank you for loving me, fat or thin.  Amen.